For The Love of My Family

Written 9/6/10

I don’t know what it means or what it’s like to have a father around, but everyday I’m thankful for my mommy (^__^) and the love she gives unconditionally to my siblings and I.My mom and I are across the world from each other right now. I called her at 3 AM her time because I wanted to leave her an “I Love You” voicemail to start her Monday, but surprisingly she picked up the phone saying she had been thinking about me all day and night. I love God’s little miracles of connection like this. We talked for over and hour about our lives, our worries, and then at the end I prayed for her with all my heart. I know God hears me, and will answer me in his own heavenly way.

Whenever I question the importance of my existence or why I’m here, talking with my family and my friends reminds me that I matter. That my existence has value, and all those dark thoughts that sneak in slowly retreat. Today, I felt upset for no particular reason. As I walked home I thought about how hard it is for me to cry. I haven’t been able to cry for myself in a long time. I feel so welled up inside but I just can’t cry like I want to. If I try too hard it just feels fake. I don’t know why I can cry so easily for others, but for myself the tears won’t come. Sometimes I’m afraid to call home, because I don’t want my family to hear any sadness in my voice, but I’m learning to be more open with them because they will always love me. I called my little bro after, and left him a prayer voicemail, and then I called my sister and talked to her for a while. These three people are my life, the reason I exist, the reason I keep going. Without them life doesn’t mean anything. I love my family, and I’d do anything and everything for them. Sometimes my heart feels so exhausted because they are constantly occupying it. I’m always thinking about them and trying to help them have a good life.

It was great talking to my mom, even when we fight, I know that she loves me and that I love her. We are mother and daughter, but we are also close friends, and I’m glad my mom shares her thoughts with me, and that we have that honesty and trust with each other. I want us to always be close, and for us to always encourage and support each other. I get scared of that day when my mom leaves this world, I feel like I’ll die too from heartache. I want to do my best to love her a lot, and to make her happy while I have the time. I pray everyday for God to give me enough time to show her the beauty of life, the laughter in it, the joy that comes from all her hard work. For her to be there at our weddings, at the birth of our children, for her to see her grandkids grow up. I pray that we get that time, in good health, and with happy hearts.

I’m learning how valuable and fragile time is. So I try to make the most of it, but it doesn’t always work like that. So I say I love you as much as I can, I give them my love, my warmth, and my support. I want them to know that they are loved, and will always be loved. So if one day they leave this world before me they leave with that love and carry it with them to heaven. I live for the love of my family. They are my gifts from God, and I treasure them. I hope they know that, from their hearts to their bones I hope they feel that every single day. I love you more than these three words could ever say.

~ by tsunamiblues on September 7, 2010.

One Response to “For The Love of My Family”

  1. So from the heart!God has blessed you. Family is everything!

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