Silence

I keep trying not to think of you, because the more I think of you these days the more I start to hate you. Why is it you still come into my thoughts, when you hurt me so badly. Love is a funny and so very foolish feeling. I keep trying to pretend that you didn’t take something from me. But you took something precious, and I am doing my best to get it back. I gave you my heart completely, and all you gave me was silence. Silence? Am I worth nothing to you? Meaningless to you? That you could treat me so insignificantly. Like I was nothing to you, not even your friend. I still cannot believe it, and the wound has yet to heal. Your the first person I have loved in my lifetime, and it doesn’t matter that you don’t love me back. What matters is the disrespectful and inconsiderate way you made that clear to me. I can see you a living your life well, and that I don’t enter your thoughts as you go about your life. How I wish I could leave you behind completely and never think of you again. The memories I have of you, of us are tainted by this silence. It feels like things are unfinished between us, and that bothers me. I want to close this door, but you have let it stay stuck open just a little bit. I miss my friend, and wish I could tell you about my life right now. At the same time, I feel anger towards you, for casting me to the side like some pesky little fly. Even if you were scared, I deserved an answer. If you only knew how hard it was for me to put myself out there, to tell you my feelings truthfully and unconditionally. You couldn’t have done this to me if you cared about me. You couldn’t have treated me like this, as my old friend. Maybe I saw you with a light that wasn’t really shining down on you. My eyes are clear now, and I can no longer look or think of you without wincing in pain. I don’t want to hate you, and I don’t want to think of you. I want you to go far from my thoughts, never to appear inside my mind again.

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~ by tsunamiblues on March 25, 2010.

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