It doesn’t matter where I am in the world it feels like loneliness follows me like a plague. So much superficiality with people and “friendships” that it is hard to know what is real from what is fake. I feel really left out of the “in crowd” here. I’m not completely in the shadows, more like I am standing on the outer edges. I hate it. That feeling of being forgettable and easily left behind. No one goes out of their way to include me or make me feel like a part of the group. It makes me feel a bit hurt. I want to be needed, wanted, and looked forward to. Not convenient when no one else is around. I don’t know, it is hard to make “real” friends. People I can laugh with, cry with, enjoy life with. People who inspire and challenge me, and help me to reach a brighter future. People I can trust and depend on. People I would do the same for. I am a good person and I deserve to be treated like that. I am a good friend and I deserve good friends in return. I wish people could really see me, the way I want them to, not the way they choose to. If they could only see what lies inside my heart, and know me. If only I could reach them through the fog of superficiality and forge that unbreakable connection. I don’t want to be surrounded by acquaintances when what I really need are true and real friends.

So today I feel a bit sad, but I know everything takes time, and peoples true colors show in the end. Whether they are my friend or my foe it will all be revealed in time. Until then, I will have to try my best to be strong, hold my head up high, and smile in spite of any inner torment I might be feeling. I miss my friends, my people back home. I miss that unconditional love and support, and knowing where and with whom I belong. I miss that feeling of being home. I will try to make a home here, and I know this is only the beginning so I feel homesick and easily hurt. I guess I just need time to figure this all out, and find my footing on this shaky ground. One day at a time, one step at a time, and then I will be a little closer to that feeling of “home” and “unconditional love.”

~ by tsunamiblues on March 5, 2010.

2 Responses to “Loneliness…”

  1. I can completely relate.

  2. Ha dont let it drag you..it will pass.. ;)

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