Truth

Today as I was driving in my car I started to think about my fears and worries, and then a question came into my head. Why am I afraid? Why am I so afraid of these things? Why am I afraid to make mistakes? Why am I afraid to fail? Why am I afraid to be ordinary? Why am I afraid to be hurt? Why am I afraid to be afraid? Why do I care what they think or say about me? Why does it matter if they like me or not? Why does it matter that…? Why am I afraid? Why the hell do I want to always be accepted or acknowledged? Why am I afraid to be me?

Those were the thoughts running around in my head, and then I was watching the end of Grey’s Anatomy, and hearing Christina telling Owen about how Burke took little pieces of her, and now she finally found herself again and she doesn’t want to lose that. It just hit me in that moment how important it is to stay true to myself. How important it is to be me, regardless of my flaws. How important it is to stop worrying, fearing, wondering, or questioning how others see me because what really matters at the end of the day is how I see myself. I go through these highs and lows where one minute I feel strong and sure of myself, and then someone or something shakes my foundation and I begin to question, to doubt, to unravel. We need those things to make our foundation stronger, or to rebuild it to be better. But the most important thing for me is to not let anyone change me, brand me, control me, misuse me, or overshadow me.

It comes down to that truth, that lives inside of me and makes me the individual that I am. No one in this world is me, but me. We are all uniquely individual and sometimes we just need that reminder to stay true to ourselves, or dreams, our happiness, and our futures. We all have a path to walk on but let it be our choices that lead us there, not the ones made for us. I don’t want to ever let someone make me feel small or insignificant because I am more than that. A friend told me the other day that the world will see you the way you see yourself. So if you think you’re ugly, than that is what the world will see. If you think you are worthless, then the world will treat you like that. She is right in a lot of ways, and I am trying really hard to not let anyone put out my light. I am me, and I need/want to always be true to myself. I want to love what I love, hate what I hate, need what I need, want what I want, and follow my own path, make my own mistakes, and live the life I have chosen for me, not the one someone else chose.

Staying true to myself isn’t easy when we live a world full of conformity, temptation, and just so many roads that can take me anywhere. I want to always be the one steering myself in the direction I want to go. I want to be myself, laugh when I want, cry when I want, go where I want, without concerning myself with what other people think about me. It is hard not to wonder what those people are saying about you, but like someone told me most likely they aren’t thinking about you at all. They are busy with their own lives to be so interested in yours. We spend so much time wondering what others think about is and we forget to ask ourselves what to we think about us? What makes you happy, sad, mad, laugh, smile, cry, hurt, love…and so on. Staying true to oneself means taking the time to reflect and learn from where we have been, who we have been, what we have done, to who we are now, what we are doing now, where we are now, and where will all of those things fall into place in the future.

We are always evolving and expanding ourselves with each experience, mistake, choice, moment…so staying true to oneself will change over time, but in the deepest part of ourselves we will remain mostly the same. Our values, morals, ethics, individuality will still have that resonating truth inside of them. Staying true to yourself doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, falter along the way, or change. Staying true to yourself in my mind means living your life the way you imagined it to be, doing the job you love, living where you want to live, making your own decisions, and going after your happiness diligently and passionately. Staying true to yourself is not about living your life the way your parents want you to, living your life the way others want you to, being unhappy while everyone else is happy. Staying true to yourself is about standing up for what you believe in, holding onto your values, morals, ethics, integrity, individuality, following your own path, dancing to the beat of your drum, doing the things you love, and living your life with honor and truth.

So for me staying true to myself means stop worrying about what others think of me, and spend more time focusing on being a person I can respect and love, not being afraid to falter or make mistakes, or just really screw up. I don’t have to be perfect, and I don’t have to go the same road as other people do. Staying true to myself means following my heart, letting myself figure things out in my own way and time, not holding back or overexerting myself to please others. Staying true to myself is about dressing the way I like, doing things I like to do, going where I like to go, saying what I want to say, and most importantly living my life the way I have imagined it, spending each day seeking my happiness, creating my happiness,and finding my happiness. It means laughing, dancing, crying, smiling,….and so on when I feel like it. It means doing things on my terms in my way. It means not letting people label me, brand me, conform me, overshadow me, belittle me, control me, manipulate me, or hinder me.

Staying true to myself means walking in confidence, faith, hope, love, understanding, truth, honesty, and even more love for myself. Staying true to yourself comes down to loving yourself, being honest with yourself even when it hurts, letting yourself take risks, make mistakes, its about doing the things that scare you, challenging yourself to see beyond the walls of your comfort zone. Staying true to yourself is about being confident in your worth, and knowing that you are deserving, have a beautiful soul, mind, and body, and most all of that you have a right like ever other human being to be happy, successful, and loved.

So lets all find that truth inside of ourselves, in our lives, in our jobs, in the people we love, and lets stay and be true to ourselves, and stop trying to be someone where not. If there is something you want to do then do it. Somewhere you want to go, then go there. If there is something you’ve been dying to say then say it. Staying true to yourself sometimes means you are going to get hurt, but that is a part of that truth, a part of this life. We fall, but then we PICK OURSELVES UP, and figure it out from there.

Like for me, I told the person I had feelings for for almost three years how I felt, and they left me with silence as their answer Did it hurt? Hell yes it did, it still hurts, but I know that this pain is a part of live, a part of being and feeling alive. I took a chance and in the end I got hurt, but I am better, wiser, and stronger because of it/him. I know now that I can love another person, and not be afraid to give them my heart no matter what. I was honest and sincere, so it doesn’t matter that I didn’t get the guy. What matters is that I was true to my heart my feelings, and myself, and I gave it my best. So now, I move on, and trust that I will meet that man that will love me back next time. This is life, and you and I are part of the living. So live, cry, try, love, fall, smile, laugh, hurt….be ALIVE.

Be Blessed,

~Tsunamiblues~

~ by tsunamiblues on February 5, 2010.

3 Responses to “Truth”

  1. Very nice post!

  2. When I was reading this…I said ” Je t’adore Toi, Tu le sais ?” lol. Your writing is always amazing Tsunamiblues:) I will really re-read this…when I’ll be sad… So much positive thoughts ^^Saranghe-yo Tsunamiblues lol

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