Hopefully Waiting

So after finding the courage to love I am hopefully waiting that I will be loved in return. Today has been a hard day and I have been trying to keep myself distracted so I don’t freak out. I haven’t been able to sleep well, eat well, or even to think well. I feel so emotionally raw inside that it makes me nauseous and I feel like I will either throw up or pass out. I am a bundle of nerves waiting to find out what his answer is going to be. I am hopefully waiting and wishing that I will get the answer I want.

I realized my feelings for him April 2007, and more than two years later I have realized that this is more than liking someone this is about loving him. I am hopelessly and completely in love with him and that is both a beautiful and scary feeling. I want a future with him, but it all depends on him. It all depends on what he wants from me, and I am praying to my God he wants me as much as I want him.

I told myself I would give him time, without rushing him to figure it out. I am hopeful that I won’t have to wait too long to get an answer from him, but we will see. All of my friends are surrounding me and keeping me busy so I don’t drift into dark thoughts. This whole experience is about having faith in myself, him ,and God. I’m going to believe in me that he will see my sincerity. I’m going to believe in him that he will give me an honest answer regardless of whether it is the one I want or not. I am going to believe in God that everything happens for a reason, and trust that He is with me in this situation.

I am terrified of having a broken heart but aren’t we all. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they will love you back. We all have to take these chances with our hearts and hope that we end up with the person who loves us just as much as we love them. I don’t know what the future holds all I know is that this is the person I want to experience that with. I just hope he feels the same. That is the hardest part, waiting to know if you are a friend or something more.

Keep me in your prayers:)

~ by tsunamiblues on January 12, 2010.

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