2010…

Hello everyone…I hope life is treating you well. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings running circles through my mind and as usual this blog is my outlet for some much needed peace of mind.

I’m not really much of a holiday person. I feel like it is weird to have days out of the year when we decide to get together will family, forgive those that have done us wrong, start over, end something, or just be with our families. I feel like everyday is a day to be cherished, to tell the people you love that you love them, to spend time with them, to be a friend…to just be a good person. We don’t need holidays to show kindness or to reach out to others.

I’m not interested in having a big get together, or going to some big party to celebrate. My ideal Christmas day is staying in my pajamas all day. I wake up in the morning, eat something delicious for breakfast with hot chocolate, watch Christmas movies on TV, order pizza or cook something, and just enjoy being alone, or with my family. I am the type of person that enjoys that alone time. Not those moments when you feel lonely, but the ones when you are doing something you enjoy, and you don’t need other people around for your to enjoy it. I like being alone for the most part, and I like to be social once in a while. I’ve always been more of a homebody, and I don’t think that is going to change. My ideal Christmas also doesn’t include presents. I don’t like the idea of needing presents for Christmas when you get presents already on other days. Christmas should be about loved ones, but everyday should be like that.

I’m not at all excited about Christmas, haven’t been since I was a kid. I never get to enjoy my ideal Christmas, and it tends to be stressful, especially if people expect to get presents from you. I always tell people not to bother getting me anything. I would rather have their company than a new purse or something of that sort.

I’m excited for New Years, not for the celebration part but for the sense that its a time for change, resolutions, new beginnings, new endings, and just so many possibilities. We are entering a new year, a new decade, and there is something hauntingly exciting about that. I’ve never been one for making or keeping resolutions but I feel like this 2010 is by God’s grace going to be a breathe of fresh air for me. It is a time to let go of everything that has happened in 2009 and give ourselves a chance to make things different for 2010. I have all these dreams. hopes, and expectations for 2010 not just for myself but for my family. I want 2010 to be a year filled with blessings upon blessings for all of us, a year of miracles and love for this world and the people in it. I just want our world to let the light in and lets get rid of all this evil polluting our lives.

I hope that 2010 is a year filled with good health for me and my family. I have been plagued with health problems over the last year, and in a week I will find out the results of my Biopsy, and I know those results will either release me or bind me for the rest of my life. I am filled with trust that God won’t let me get any bad news. He knows all the dreams and desires of my heart, and I know I have many wonderful years ahead for me. I am looking forward to 2010 as a beginning of a new journey to a new country, a year of growth and love, a year of self-discovery and appreciation. I fell so filled with hope for 2010 that it is hard to explain it all. I have been holding my breath for most of 2009 and I am praying to God that 2010 will be a year without any of these worries, fears, burdens, or disappointments.

I keep thinking about things I want to change about myself and my life in 2010, and it comes down to my beliefs and my relationship with God. I want to just give him everything. All of my heart, fears, desires, worries, hopes, dreams…everything and anything. I want to believe that in God’s time I will meet the man He created just for me. I want to believe that I will not have my life cut short by any sickness on this earth. I want to believe that anyplace I go to God is beside me guiding me with his wisdom and shielding me from harm. I want to believe in myself, and in the things I can offer this world. I want to believe that 2010 will be a year of blessings and happiness, that no sadness with come into my home or in my family. I want to believe that I will find clarity as far as my career goes. I want to believe in myself, in my beauty, in my worthiness, in my ability, in my dreams. I don’t want to let anyone or anything define me. I want to be the one defining who I am and the life I lead step by step, day by day.

I want to let God in past my barriers, and let him be absorbed into my soul. I want Him beside me in everything I do and everywhere I go. I am not going to let fear dictate my life, control my dreams, or keep me from reaching my goals. I am going to learn to let go of those who leave me behind, to forgive those who have broken pieces of my heart, and to open my heart to those who would want to cherish it. I want to believe in my worthiness when it comes to my  love, career, and everyday life. I want to stop putting myself down, and pushing God away from me.

I want to find that faith I used to have in this world, in God, and in myself, and live the life I have imagined. I life filled with love, laughter, hope, dreams, and smiles. A life that I create with each day and each step I take. I life I can find and create my happiness in. I don’t want to keep hiding in the shadows, afraid to step into the light. No, I want to feel that warm light seep inside of me and release me from my bindings. I want to allow myself to be happy, to stop being worried. I want to stop trying to please others. Stop trying to be someone I am not, and instead embrace and love the person I am.

I want to take back control of my life, and steer it in a direction of my choosing. I deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be cherished, to be protected,  and most of all I deserve to feel alive. I don’t want to pretend anymore to be someone I am not. I want to be seen for who I am and who I want to be. I want to give myself time to figure it out, to figure me out. I want to break down the walls trapping me in this dark place. I want to be free, to close my eyes and soar through this life. I want people to see me as I am in all my flawed beauty. I want to let love in, if it is God’s will. To not ache or search for love, but to live my life, and trust that in the right time all those things will fall into place. That is the kind of faith and hope I want to have again.

I want 2010 to be a year for me, a year of positive change, new journeys, and lots of positive self-discovery. I want 2010 to be a year of liberation from my scars, burdens, fears, and self-criticism. I want 2010 to be a year for me to transform ,find, create myself into the person I was always supposed to be. I don’t want to limit who I am, where I can go, or what I can do anymore. I want to take a risk and see what happens. I want to find the strength to always stay true to myself, and know there is nothing wrong with just being me.

To all my readers I pray that 2010 is a year filled with blessings, good health, miracles, and happiness for all of you. I wish you every happiness and opportunity that life offers you. I pray for you to have love, family, and true friends in your life. I wish for you to let go of whatever or whoever is holding you back from being you and finding/creating your happiness. I wish you peace and joy in this new year.

Be blessed,

~Tsunamiblues~

Part 2

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~ by tsunamiblues on December 21, 2009.

4 Responses to “2010…”

  1. I hope your biopsy has the best possible outcome. I have gone through my fair share of health problems and they really make things a lot harder in life.

  2. I was just browsing for good saying and found this site. Its really coo. keep the good work going.

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