Bloom

This is an entry from my journal that was written today. Its my story in a poetic kind of writing.  Almost like a love letter never sent. I wanted to share it because I feel like a lot of people in this world probably feel like this. While that makes me even more sad to know other hearts are hurting, I want you to know that you are not alone. My heart is hurting too! My eyes are crying too! My soul is waiting too!

I am wishing that soon you will find the medicine to cure your heartache, and that the cure will be an abundance of love and happiness.

I want to be someone worthy of being loved. Someone with a good heart, a good soul, a good mind. Someone who makes the people around her abundantly happy and peaceful. I want to possess a beautiful soul. Is it that I am meant to wait for a long time? The days become colder the longer I wait to meet you. My loneliness grows in the darkness. There is so much inside of me that I want you to see. I want you to know me. My dreams. My fears. My soul. My flaws. My everything. I want to give you all of me and receive the same from you. I want to be the flower that blooms in your hand. I want my petals to color your life gloriously. I want to take root in your heart, and let my love grow within yours. I want to share this life and this time with you. I want to be with you. Eat with you. Sleep with you. Laugh with you. Cry with you. Live with you. Breathe with you. I want everything with you. I have spent the last 22 years of my life waiting to meet you. Waiting for that moment where you enter my vision and change it so that everything is clear and beautiful. You are the peace for my soul. The warmth for my heart. You are my love. The precious gift that God gave only to me.

I miss you, even though we’ve never met. I wish to stay in your arms and feel your warmth rush through my body. I wish to talk to you about everything. I wish to just look at you, and know I am no longer walking this path alone. Are you waiting to meet me? I hope our paths cross soon. I look in the mirror and wonder what anyone could ever see in a woman like me. I look at my reflection and frown at the ugliness inside of me. I stare at her wishing she was happier, braver, stronger, prettier, skinnier, just overall better. I don’t hate her, but I don’t like her. Is that why we haven’t met?  Because you overlook me. I don’t stand out because I am neither exceptional, special, or extraordinary. I’m not sure who or what I am, but I feel like there is nothing about me to make your heart beat faster. I wish I was someone people look at, that people notice, and want to be around. But I feel like a shadow upon this world. Useless and insignificant. How I wish I was more, much more than I am. How I wish my inner beauty would shine across this world. How I wish I could bloom right in front of you.

One day you will be beside me and see the darkness of my life before I found the light, before I met you. I hope you will comfort the person I am then, for the sadness I feel now.

Yours,

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~ by tsunamiblues on November 29, 2009.

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