The Eclectic Symphony Of Life

Sometimes I feel like I spend more time contemplating/analyzing/questioning/observing life than actually living it. Sometimes I think people who live for the moment never have lasting fulfillment. I feel like we are all always searching for that ultimate high, that place, person, and or thing, that makes life incredible, real, wonderful, meaningful, and so on. I was thinking about this for the past few days about how it feels as if I(we) live only half-lives never reaching that climactic point in our lives where we see the world in clarity and know where we belong in it. We are living life completely and amazingly well. We have found the catalyst for the ultimate high of life and we enjoy each moment of it.

It could be a job, love, place, person, career…etc that we gain that changes everything and gives us the release we have been seeking from the life we have versus the one we desire. We are all searching for that special something or someone that makes life worth living. Our reason to keep waking up each morning. Some of us find it, others stop searching, and the unlucky ones remain lost. So when I say the ultimate high, it’s like everything makes sense in our lives, we have achieved our dream/purpose (whatever you want to call it), and we are just happy, confident, successful, and more of that happiness. It’s like the whole world is in tune with us and everything just fits and feels right. We are living the life we imagined for ourselves and the people we love are along for the happy ride. It’s like everything we dreamed for ourselves came into this reality.

I keep thinking about the “unlucky ones,” not that reaching this ultimate high is about luck, but I think a part of every life has to do with luck and opportunities we have. I keep wondering about myself and what category I will end up in. I keep thinking about those that don’t fall into any category those who continue to search and wander not knowing what they want or need out of life. They say ignorance is bliss, but it still has a cost. Sometimes I think I have plenty of time to figure it all out, but then in moment of paralyzing uncertainty and fear I feel like time is against me. I am 22 years old and I am a searcher. I am searching for that place, person, career, and place that I will love. I am searching for my purpose, and exploring my dreams. I am checking out my options with no real plan in mind or where I am going, and it is terrifying! Once a planner now I am just as lost as the others in this world.

I want to figure out who I am going to be, but I guess that comes into light with experience. I’m scared that I will always be searching never planting my feet on the ground. I’m scared of being nothing forever. I keep wondering what the hell am I supposed to do with my life? Should I go to law school, should I be a teacher, should I travel the world, should I try being a writer, should I work with music….I have no idea what I should be doing. I love bits and pieces of all those things and there is really no way of combining them all into one career. What if I am not as good as I think? Am a special or just ordinary? Do I even have what it takes?

Will I ever be in love? I look at the relationships around me and wonder if love really exists or do we all just choose comfort, security, and settling for something rather than nothing. Is it even worth it? Can you ever really trust and depend on another human being completely? I want more than just a momentary distraction, temporary pleasure, and the like. I want something real, deep, true, honest, and lasting. I want a best friend who is also my lover. I don’t want to settle. I’d rather be alone than settle for someone. I keep wondering what it feels like to wake up and have that love in your life everyday. I want to have it all not just bits and pieces.

I want to be happy, successful, and safe. I want to know that the world is not so bad, and full of evil things. I want to believe good conquers all. That hard work can make the impossible possible. That good people are blessed, and bad people cursed. I want to believe in happy endings, lasting love, meaningful existences, and the like. I want that eclectic symphony of life where life is the ultimate high, where each day brings brightness into the world, where love is as infinite as the air around us, where happiness is ever present. I want to know there is more to this world that what I see or hear around me. I want to believe in the goodness of humanity. I want my light to shine in this world and give others hope in their darkest hours. I want to wake up and greet each day with excitement and a smile and know no matter what today is going to be great. I am going to do something that betters this world, that touches lives, and fulfills my own life. How many people actually get to feel that way about themselves and the lives they lead?

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am always going to be a dreamer with my head in the clouds instead of facing the harshness of reality. Maybe there is nothing special about me, and maybe I won’t amount to anything extra-ordinary. Maybe I am part of the “average” people. Haha…I don’t believe that, call me an optimist but I believe each human being is special just for the fact that they exist. Yeah, we might not be equal but there is something amazing about all of us. We each have our individual spark. We each have that eclectic symphony called our lives for everyone to hear. I guess Happiness is the definition of the Ultimate High. I know that every person in this world isn’t happy? Each person has their own definition of happiness, and some of us don’t figure that out until we have happiness.

I guess I am wondering what does it means to be happy? What is my happiness?

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~ by tsunamiblues on October 26, 2009.

One Response to “The Eclectic Symphony Of Life”

  1. Hi,

    interesting thoughts!

    By asking “what is happiness” you ask a very good question. Recently I had my own shot at defining happiness, which aims to be more “scientific” and “objective” (as much as this is possible for a subjective feeling such as happiness):

    “A person can be considered to have experienced a “happy” moment if the person chooses to re-live it as an end in itself if offered at no cost.”

    For the detailed derivation of this conclusion please have a look at What is happiness? ; I’d love to hear what you think!

    Thank you,

    Nick

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