HURT…

We all feel hurt and at the same time hurt others. It’s like a sickness the whole world has and there is no cure. When you love someone their ability to hurt you increases. You let them into your heart and they poison it against you. All those happy moments fade away as the pain pulses through your veins. It hurts, you can feel your heart slowing down and then your gone. Lost in the chaos of your pain. That same feeling of hurt you have the person next to you is the same way. We hurt and then WE HURT.

So should we isolate ourselves, close our hearts, and just sink into the darkness? Do we take the pain and let it simmer inside of us until it burns through our soul? Do we lash out and give them scars to match our own? Do we swallow our bitterness and move on? Do we cry, die, fight, kill….? What do we do when the people we let through our shields turn out to be crueler than our enemies? They know our weaknesses and use them to shatter us. Their words slit our hearts. They leave bruises on our bodies and even worse on our beliefs. They take our innocence and make us monsters; a reflection of them.

The tears don’t fall anymore. The screams are silenced. There is no antidote that can save us from this sickness. It takes all we have to give. It cripples our bodies. Fragments of our mind disappear in the darkness. Our hearts have no beats. We are hollow and broken. We are their salvation and they our destruction. We smile but the cracks still show. We laugh to hide our scars. We are fine…always we are fine. If only they knew the chaos surrounding us. We hide it so well. The pain has become our constant companion; a reminder of our misery. We are hurting, but no one knows. No one sees…any maybe no one cares.

We think dying would be better…Death doesn’t seem scary anymore. We welcome it. An escape from this sickness. An end to all the hurt. We move closer and feel Death’s caress. It numbs the pain but the hurt still remains. We hurt. We remember every vicious moment. Every agonizing minute of misery and solitude. Always alone. Always cold. Always afraid. We choke on the memories…so many moments of hurt. The cruelty of this world; its selfishness, greed, lust…its sickness. We shiver in flashbacks as if it was happening all over again. So cold, so dark, so lonely…always left behind. Broken, scarred, lost…hopeless.

We lie there, feeling the earth under us wondering if we will sink into it. The noises of this world surround us, so we close our eyes. We close our eyes to the hurt, the misery, the bruises, the loneliness, the pain, the heartache…we close our eyes to it all. No more, we can’t take anymore, we can’t go on another moment. We close our eyes, and breathe it all in, everything up till that point fades into the darkness. No more suffering. We smile knowing that soon it will all end. Soon every hurt will disappear and we will finally rest. No more nightmares, no more fears, no more hiding, no more shadows.

Death’s kiss is upon our lips and it feels warm. The only warm feeling in the cold. Death caresses us, soothes us, and then we open our mouths and it flows inside us. Everything feels numb, so unbelievably numb. Death seeps into us, our souls, minds, and hearts. Taking everything; the hurt, the pain, the misery, and the loneliness. Leaving nothing behind. We open our eyes one last time and watch as our life fades away. Death holds us in that final moment and then we, like so many others disappear.

—————————————

I started out writing this because I was/am hurting. The people you love hurt you the most, in the cruelest of ways. They leave bruises on your soul, ones that never quite heal. I think about me, and then I think about you. The people who feel what I feel and it makes me overwhelmed with sadness. So many lost souls, so many broken hearts, so many lonely people. I don’t really know why I wrote this entry except to say we all feel hurt and we all hurt others. Be careful because there are consequences, some more permanent than others.

I wrote this mostly for me and then for all those people around my age or younger who are hurting because of their family or friends and feel like they have no way out. We are not our parents. We are not their mistakes. We are not their toys. We are human beings, we are beautiful, and we deserve to be loved and taken care of. We deserve to be appreciated. We deserve to be happy. You are not alone. You are not alone, and you are not in this fight alone. Stay strong, keep your head up, and find a way to leave it/them all behind and move on towards happier days. Don’t keep it inside because when you do it festers and then explodes leaving casualties. Talk to someone, write like I do, just don’t stop fighting.

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~ by tsunamiblues on October 8, 2009.

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