I hate fighting with people…especially people who are family to me…people who should know me better and not just make assumptions. I am not going to go into the unpleasant details but right now I just feel drained. Fighting, being angry, and all that follows is such a draining kind of experience.

I hate it. I feel guilty after even though it wasn’t my fault, even if the person started it, or whatever the case may be I always feel sick inside after it happens. Replaying it over in my head trying to see what I could have done better. It makes me mad to feel guilty when I shouldn’t. It is a frustrating kind of feeling!

Someone who has known me for the past 10 years of my life could have this affect on me. Most people don’t get to me like this but when it is someone I respect, love, and trust that stabs me in the heart, I’m going to bleed and I am going to cry and I am going to get mad and I am going to yell right back.

I hate being yelled at…especially when I didn’t do anything wrong. It just makes me feel like I have sunk into a huge well of misery. I feel exhausted, sad, mad, hurt, guilty, and so many other feelings right now.

My day is ruined now and I probably won’t be able to sleep well tonight. This is why I hate fighting, it sucks the life/light out of me.

Writing it out makes it better though. For me writing and music are the two wordly things I couldn’t live without. The cleanse me and make me peaceful.

I’m going to try not to think about this whole mess of a situation. Communication is so important to any relationship, not just the talking part but more importantly the listening part.

My heart hurts right now. Family can lift you up one day and bring you crashing down the next day. We will see what happens next…the last thing I need or want in my life is drama.

~ by tsunamiblues on July 22, 2009.

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