Then & Now…

Hello everyone! I hope life is treating you well and that your day is going well. I am currently on summer vacation….an endless summer vacation since I graduated from college over a week ago.

It feels weird to think that my undergraduate life is over and done with but at the same time it feel right to close those chapters and begin new ones.

Then: The College Chapters

I think about everything I have gone through these past years. The good/bad and happy/sad and it is only now that I can say that it was all worth it. That each experience taught me something valuable, even if it didn’t feel like it in that moment. I learned that friends come and go but it doesn’t matter how long they stay in my life but what happened during those moments. I learned to rely on myself, to love myself, to realize that I am far from perfect but that is perfectly fine. I learned that sometimes you have to fly before you walk, and fall before you walk (hope that makes sense). I learned that questioning what you know is essential to knowing what you want/need. I learned to love myself and to never let my dreams fall prey to the world. I learned that my happiness is the most important thing in this world. I want to achieve that happiness, to feel that happiness, to create that happiness without stepping over others. I learned that I am a good person, that I deserve to be happy, to be successful, and that I am going to be.

I learned to let go; of the past, hurt, friendships that aren’t going anywhere, the boys who will never see me. I learned to embrace my faults, my weaknesses, my visions, and my strengths. I learned that when I look in the mirror I have to love who I see, I have to know this is my reflection, and I have to be happy with me. I learned that happiness isn’t a goal, or a treasure to be found it comes from me and the life I lead.

I learned that life isn’t a smooth ride but a curvy journey filled with different paths based on the choices we make, fate, and the people and places we find along the way.

Most of all I learned that I am still learning and I don’t need to know all the answers. I learned to live my life the way I want to and to be thankful for each day I get to be alive.

Now: The Future Chapters

What happens next? There is no definite plan, only dreams and ideas for how things can go. However, I have learned to be flexible with my life and where it takes me because I know that there are no definites in life, everything can change in an instant so I want to keep an open mind.

I have the next few months to relax, read a lot of books, think a lot, and get ready to leave for Seoul, South Korea to teach over there for a year. This is something that I have wanted for the past two years and it is finally coming into place. I pray that God continue to direct my path and make the waters calm around me. To bring people and places into my life that will help me grow and move forward on this journey.

I asked God to make this happen and he did, so we will see what happens once I get there. I think that no matter how much research I do or how many people I talk to I won’t know until I get there. Only time will tell what going there will mean for me. I hope it is the right decision to spread my wings and try to fly on my own. To learn, make mistakes, and grow into the woman I want to be. I hope it is a time of experiences. more good than bad that give me the answers  I need.

I don’t know if I will stay past that year but its possible. I want to give myself time to just live life and see what happens. I will seek out the next step along the way. Law school has always been my destination but I am not sure anymore about it, and I want time to think, reflect, and pray about it.

I want God to lead me toward my future and I am flexible enough now to not worry about five years from now. I want to try just living in the present with a flexible dream/plan and see where it takes me.

So for now I am just being a 21 year old graduate who is going to see a little more of the world and figure some things out. I think I am finally coming into my own person. A year ago I felt life life was taking everything I had to give but I am not that girl anymore.

I have found strength in myself. My friend told me once that only I can fix me and he was right because only I had the tools that could put what was broken back in place.

I still have things to figure out, and more room to grow but I have taken a step in the right direction and it feels good to be able to see the light where darkness had been.

I wish for all those out there who feel lost and that hope is gone; that you realize that what seems like the end of the world is an opportunity to change yourself and your life for the better. It won’t be easy but you have to take that step if you want to find your way out. No one can fix it but you!


~ by tsunamiblues on May 26, 2009.

5 Responses to “Then & Now…”

  1. hey there,

    I’ve been reading your blog through the past twelve months (can’t even remember how i discovered it!) but I just wanted to say I’m glad you’ve found that happy place in your life! It’s been interesting as we’ve been through kind of similar things and I too am heading off overseas next year.

    Hope you have the best time and really enjoy it!

    All the best!

    • Thanks Cath, and it feels good to be seeking out my own happiness! Best of luck to you overseas. Can I ask where you will be traveling to?

      • hopefully I’m off to Canada for a year, travelling all the way from little old New Zealand. So not as drastic as a new language and completely different culture, but still a change none the less!

      • Any positive change is a good one:)

  2. “I learned that friends come and go but it doesn’t matter how long they stay in my life but what happened during those moments.”

    SOooooooo Trueee :D

    “I still have things to figure out, and more room to grow but I have taken a step in the right direction and it feels good to be able to see the light where darkness had been.”

    This is exactly what i’m feeling Noww! U re really amazinggg ^^

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