Mi amor…¿Dónde está usted?

I woke up this morning feeling a bit off kilter. It wasn’t that I was in a bad mood, more like things felt strange. It might be due to the sun not shining in on me this morning, to greet me as I woke. It is cloudy outside and it makes me wonder if it will rain today.

Some rain would be nice. I love being curled up on a rainy day, watching the raindrops stream through the sky landing in our world, and listening to my music. I was listening to this song by Rachael Yamagata called “Be Be Your Love” and it just kind of sunk into me again, this concept of love. I kept thinking to myself what is love? When will I meet my love? Does love really exist? Am I mean to be a part of it? Will I be a part of it?

Being twenty years old and in college I have not had one romantic interlude in my life. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I just don’t draw men to me, or I am just oblivious to signals. But, I trow away those thoughts because deep in my heart I know I am worthy of love, and I will have a deep, true, and wonderful love. The only question, is when will it happen.

When will that moment come when I meet someone that I can see myself being romantically inclined to. When I was younger, I was more superficial when it comes to what I want. I thought that looks were everything, but as I got older I realized that when the looks fade away there has to be something there to keep you with that person. Now personality is the number one thing I look for in a man. I met someone who has a wonderful personality, is handsome, and just overall a genuinely nice man. Too bad he happens to be taken and we remain just friends.

It is funny how emotions and feelings towards someone can make us act like silly fools. I used to analyze every word, look, action between the two of us to see if something was there. For now all that lies in that realm is our friendship. That means a lot to me, and maybe that is all we are mean to have. He changed my mind when it comes to men, and made me believe that there are wonderful men in this world. I have many male friends that have showed me how wonderful men can be, and still none of them are mine.

They’ve all shown me that personality is the key to winning my heart. In my heart I know I want someone who is kind, considerate, funny, humble, loving, romantic, intelligent (socially and academically), God loving and fearing, and just overall someone who makes me feel like I am on Cloud 9 just standing next to them.

I have always believed that great love starts with a great friendship. I find the idea of going out with someone I don’t know kind of baffling. I definitely would want to get to know that person on a friend level first. Friendship, allows you to see the good and the bad, and bond together. No pretenses, just who you are is what they see.

I am definitely a romantic at heart. I might be pessimistic about everything else, but when it comes to love and the heart I am traditionally old fashioned for someone my age. I want a gentleman through and through. The kind of man that opens doors, carries your bags for you, calls you everyday to wish you good morning, wants to get to know your family. Someone who takes a real interest in everything that I value. From my friends to my family, to my dreams and fears. Someone who doesn’t want bits and pieces but the whole package with all the scars and worries.

Do you know what I daydream about when it comes to my future love. Simple things like holding hands, kisses on the forehead, laughter, funny pranks, midnight conversations, studying together, eating together, cooking together, just sitting in complete silence absorbing each others warmth, It doesn’t matter what we are doing, as long as we are doing it together.

I think that love is deep and passionate friendship. I mean yes you are lovers, but you should be friends too. There should be that bond and love that comes through friendship and grows into the great love of lifetimes. The kind of story you can share with your great-grandchildren one day.

I have so much love in my heart for this lover and friend that I have yet to know. It is hard when you ant to share your life with someone, but your still doing things on your own. I think though, that God knows as much as I want to find my love, I need to love myself some more first. I just pray that one day soon our paths cross and my heart can finally stop aching for his. Instead it will be delighted to hear his beating alongside mine.

~ by tsunamiblues on April 9, 2008.

2 Responses to “Mi amor…¿Dónde está usted?”

  1. Wow. For being twenty and never having experienced love you certainly seem to have a solid grasp of what you want from it! Are movies and books so enlightening? I always wonder what influence they have on sweet innocents like yourself. What you are looking for is not someone who’s looking to hook up or hang out, but a real bonafied relationship, where the man is actually manly enough to love you and give of himself. Where he cherishes you and is so delighted that you crossed his path and he was smart enough to know a good thing when it did. What you need is a game plan. Something like a personal mission statement for what is or is not acceptable. Of course love – when it comes can knock us on our asses, but if you are mature and level headed for how you want to be treated and handled, hopefully you will stick to your guns and avoid some of life and love’s pitfalls. You are already ahead of the curve because you don’t bring previous relationship baggage to the table. Best of luck. You’ll get the love you so deserve!

  2. Thank you, I also hope that I remain true to my heart and not let someone undeserving into my life. A personal mission statement sounds like a good plan though.

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