Daily Dose:The Curveballs Of Life…

Right now all I want to do is to close my eyes, lay down on my bed, listen to my Ipod playlist, and let sleep take over me. However, I don’t get off work till midnight and I still need to get things ready for a very long Tuesday. Despite this, I am thankful that today I woke up, was able to get up on my own and do my Monday routine. I am grateful that I have gotten through the day, and that I have the ability to go after my dreams.

I say this because too often I/We forget to be thankful for what we have, instead of whining and complaining all the time. It is easy to be negative and forget that we should be thankful and grateful that we woke up when some kept on sleeping. I was reading the news today, and it seem like a reign of evil has come over this world. There is always some craziness going on around the world, and it makes me sad and disgusted by what I see and hear. I sometimes wonder how these people get to live while others die. But since I am not God, I have no right to judge them or persecute them. Instead I thank God that I have not felt that darkness around me.

I rebuke all that evil from my life, from my family’s life, from touching anything or anyone near me. I will let the light of the world surround me and protect me from the shadows of this world. When I let it all sink in, I get scared to even leave my home. I mean every mini-second of every day lives are being lost one way or another and too put it simply it sucks major. It sucks, and sucks, and sucks more and more each day.

This is why I don’t like to watch the news very often, because all you see is the suffering, and they leave out the goodness of this world behind. *Sighs* don’t you feel like the world is coming closer and closer to the edge of that abyss, and we are all about to fall in? I mean unusual things are happening these days. I say this unusualness is in the worst of ways.

———————————————————————–

Enough of all that depressing stuff, starting to make me feel sad again. Today, I have been thinking a lot about self-discipline, and the lack of it in my life. For example, even though I know it will be to my benefit to get it done now, I just cannot motivate myself to do it. Either I am to tired or I just am not interested in it. Like tonight, after work, if I take a shower and prepare for tomorrow I can sleep in longer, but I am probably going to be too tired to do that even though I know I should. I mean how do people make themselves do the things they don’t want to do, but need to do? If you know the secret, please share :). I try to take baby steps each day towards building my self discipline. But when it gets hard, I just want to be like enough and go back to my old ways.

*Sighs* old habits are killer, they just suck the self-discipline right out of me. This entire year of school has been tough on me as far as my lack of motivation. I think that I was unprepared for how hard junior year was going to be, and I let stress take over me and cause me to practically have a nervous breakdown. Its the inner perfectionist inside of me that is making me suffer. I want to be a genius and feel dissatisfied with my ordinariness. Maybe, I am unique in my ordinariness. I mean in this world, there is only me that can call myself me, so maybe something that small can mean a great deal.

Maybe, my existence alone makes me unique. Who else has a hard time swallowing that? I sit in class, and people are asking questions and it is like they are speaking in another language. I put more effort in that some and they do better than me. Yes, I feel that is unfair. I mean shouldn’t your hard work show results for greater than those who don’t work as hard? Or am I just being idealistic? I’m complaining right? Well, since writing is my way of venting out my frustrations, just forgive me for this! How do people just stop doing things to themselves when they know it is bad for them? Like, criticizing, over stressing, and procrastination.

You know what my problem is? I have not figured out how to balance my life. Balance myself, life, school, work, dreams goals, and the ever present reality of the world. I have not found that state of utter peacefulness. No matter how much I desire and long for it, I still lack it. I don’t know how to cope either. When something goes wrong it feels like the end of the world. I feel so frustrated and fed-up and keep asking those why me???, but I am trying to just keep breathing. To just realize that things are going to happen that are out my control and I can either bitch and moan, bitch&moan and then figure out what to do next, or just breathe and make a new plan.

I know, easier said than done. But we all have to start somewhere, right? One thing to remember, is too rewards yourself for your efforts. Whether it is shopping, watching a movie, eating at a favorite place, whatever it is that MAKES YOU FEEL WONDERFUL, go and do it. Of course, this should occur after accomplishing what you need to do.

Now for those who have found that balance, peace of mind, and self-discipline. Care to share you secrets, choices, and things you have learned along the way? I am all ears, and all eyes:)

***One thing I need to learn to conquer is being a sleepyhead. How the hell can I get myself to get out of bed when my bloody 15 alarms go off? I just turn them off, and crawl back into bed. Mind you I place these alarms far away so I have to get up, but it doesn’t work.

Save me!!!!

I’m wishing you all EVERY happiness!!!

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~ by tsunamiblues on April 7, 2008.

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