Portrait of Me….Now, Then, and Later

I feel inspired to write today, so I hope you enjoy  the entry and that it touches your life, Helps you find some clarity or inspires you to make a change, take a step, and keep moving forward to that beautiful dream lying inside of you.

Today, I was looking through a photo album and began to think about what all those pictures mean. A picture has a journey of its own. A story to tell and is more than just the image you seen. When I was looking at the pictures I kept thinking what it would be like to go back into that moment and remember what was going on that day when that photo was taken and in that moment something was captured.

I love pictures because there is so much depth to them. There are so many moments a photo captures, and you don’t know what happen in the seconds between the camera flashing and the picture being taken. The most revealing ones are the ones that are taken candidly. No poses, no pretenses. Instead just raw honesty and truth. I think being able to capture moments like that is an unbelievable gift.

Pictures capture moments in life. They capture good, sad, fun, and everything in between times. They show your happiness, struggles, pain. triumphs, sorrows, and life changes. They show you as you grown up, get older, and begin to figure out what life holds for you.

As to the title of my blog, if someone where to do a portrait of me, what would the Now, Then and Later look like. Would it show we smiling, crying, or laughing? Would it show the facade or the depth of my soul?

When I think about myself and how I would look if someone did my portrait, this is what comes to mind. The “Then” would be a little girl in the center holding a worn out teddy bear, looking up at the sky above her. She would be surrounded by lies, beauty,  love, innocence, desperation, laughter, and most of all the unknown. Why would it look like this? Well, as a child growing up I did not see the reality of the things around me. I was young, innocent, and just looking up at the big world around, above, and below me. I did not see the darkness around me. Nor did I realize that some thing that appear to be real,. were not.

For the “Now” it would be a young woman lying on a blanket of night in a field of green looking up at the blue skies. The sun would be staring down at me, and the earth would be shifting underneath me. Everything between the earth and the sky would be dark, and the only light would be the sky. There would be soft music playing around me as the wind blows my tears every which way. This is how I see me in my current state. I am looking for that way up to those blue skies. I want to soar through the clouds and feel the liberation of not being bound to the earth. The reason it would be dark around me is because as of now things are unclear. The only thing that is filled with light and hope is that beautiful blue skies. It looks beautiful whether it is day or night. It fills me with serenity and peace. It gives me peace of mind. The sun is the only thing that is giving me warmth. Th sun represents my family and my true friends. They make my life warm and beautiful. The tears are because I am lost and my tears represent that loneliness of being alone and lost. I am not the person I wan to be, that is why the light eludes me. It is not because I don’t try, but more that I have growth left. I have experiences and life ahead of me that will provide me with the clarity to see through the shadows. As for the music, that represents my soul beyond my body.The creativity that lies inside of me. The beauty of my melody that people do not see. It represents the soothing I seek as the earth moves beneath me. Leaving me breathless and sometimes unable to settle down.
For the “Later” one that is still up to discussion. I know how I would like it to be, but I do not know how it will turn out. I am still looking down the road towards that future, but there are so many paths and I have no clue which direction to go on. So for “Later” I will only pray and hope that in that portrait it is not only me like the other ones. I am surrounded by love, people, laughter, and warmth. If I have those things, then that portrait will be breathtakingly beautiful.

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~ by tsunamiblues on February 15, 2008.

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