Something to Believe In…

So if you read my last blog, I was not having the best of days, and I am feeling a lot better now after having some revelations. This is going to be a long post, but I hope you enjoy it and that it touches your life.

I always try to choose titles that have meaning when I write a blog, and this title is a song by Aqualung. I love the music by them ,but today I was watching Eli Stone, and heard this song at the end of the first episode. I was like I have heard this song before, and it really resonated with me so I looked it up and here it is.

Lyrics:

 Something To Believe In lyrics

You talk too much.
Maybe that’s your way
Of breaking up the silence
That fills you up.
But it doesn’t sound the same
When no one’s really listening

We stumble into our lives:
Reach for a hand to hold.
And any wonder
We need to find
A certain something, certain.

Turn out the light
And what are you left with?
Open up my hands
And find out they’re empty.
Press my face to the ground
I’ve gotta find a reason.
Just scratching around
For something to believe in:
Something to believe in.

You have too much.
You’re spending all your time
Collecting and discovering
It’s not enough.
And no matter how you try,
You never find the one you want.

We stumble into our lives:
Without a hand to hold.
And any wonder
We need to find
A certain something, certain.

Turn out the light
And what are you left with?
Open up my hands
And find out they’re empty.
Press my face to the ground
I’ve gotta find a reason.
Still scratching around
For something to believe in:
Something to believe in.

I just need something to believe in

C’mon, c’mon [repeats til end]

I have been playing this song over and over today, and every time the lyrics really hit home, and makes me smile and at the same time realize that instead of waiting for something to believe in, I need to BE something to believe in. I have to believe in myself and stop waiting around for someone to believe in me, because you need to be the person that believes in yourself the most.

We stumble into our lives:
Reach for a hand to hold.
And any wonder
We need to find
A certain something, certain.

That verse really sticks with me every time I play the song, because that described how I feel sometimes. I am stumbling through life trying to find that certain something, that certain someone, that certain someplace. I get so frustrated that those things have not come to pass yet, but slowly I am realizing that I have to wait for it, pray for it, and then leave it in God’s hands. Me agonizing over it everyday is not going to do much for me, but make me feel sad, mad, and wishful. I don’t want to live my life like that. I want to dream beautiful dreams, go after those beautiful dreams, and succeed in getting them.

I am done sitting around waiting for someone to pick up the pieces for me, and make everything better because that is just a waste of time, strength, and my life. I need to be the one to pick up the pieces and fix anything that needs to be fixed. I need to be the one that makes my life how I want it to be, and then I will get it with God’s grace and mercy over my life. I’m done with being frustrated, annoyed ,and sad about wanting things and not getting them because it is up to ME to go after what I want, need, and deserve in my life. I am done being envious of others, who “have it better than me” because I don’t really know those thing, and even if I did I shouldn’t care about it because I am me and they are them.

I am done feeling all this self-pity and under confidence in myself because it is only going to continue to bring me down and I need to START RAISING MYSELF UP!! I need to be the one pushing myself and believing in myslef whole heartedly. If your like me, then take my words to heart and lets stop it. Let’s stop the cycle of one good day and then one bad day. Lets stop getting frustrated with what we are “lacking” and lets embrace the beauty inside of us. Lets stop criticizing ourselves and realize that being imperfect is a human characteristic, and we need to stop trying to reach an unattainable perfection. Lets stop the self-doubt, self-hatred, lack of confidence, self-criticism, the irrational fears, and whatever else is keeping us caged from the life we should be living.

Whoever you are lets stop making our lives more complicated than it needs to be, lets stop making ourselves sadder than we should be, and most of all lets stop wondering what everyone else it thinking about us, and just embrace our true selves and leave them to deal with their own issues. Let’s stop trying to fix everything when things need to stay broken. Lets stop the cycle(S) and start living life for ourselves, our dreams, and most of all our bright and beautiful FUTURES. Ask yourself where are you heading, and is it the right part for you. If it is not, then take a step back and make the decision that is truly right for you in your heart. Lets stop holding ourselves back from going after the things we want because we think we are not pretty, smart, capable, deserving, or any other negative thoughts that are running inside of your head. Stop over thinking every little situation, and just let go, liberate yourself, and go forward towards that warm and beautiful sunlight.

You are probably thinking that it is not easy as just saying it, and it is NOT THAT EASY. When something is really worth it, then it will never be easy. This change requires action on your part. Life doesn’t change if you just sit there, you have to take control and steer against the waves that pass you by. You have to be the one to be your biggest fan, greatest encourager, and most valuable friend. You have to take care of you before you can even take care of yourself. I am not saying this will all change within a day,but you can begin to change your life for the better within that day. So many things can happen in a day, so why can’t you be able to find that day of liberations from all the fears that keep you chained to this earth unable to fly free and high.

I think one reason I love the earth so much, is because it is stable, it surrounds me, and I don’t have to worry that it will disappear. But the sky is what I long for. I long for the freedom of its vastness. I want the changes and the turbulence surrounded by beauty in it. I want to spread my wings, feel the wind brushing across my face, and I want to soak it all in through the warmth of the sun. I want to stretch myself as far as I can go, and I am done holding back. I am done telling myself I cannot do this or that for some reason. I am done sitting back and letting others do it. Nope, not anymore guys,  I am taking control of my life, or my journey, and most of all of my dreams. I am not going to stay idle, and I an not going to let the darkness take over me.

I am me, and I am more than just the words you see, the stories you hear, and whatever it is you have made me out to be. I am as deep as the roots in the earth, and as vast as the sky. I am as wide as the ocean, and as beautiful as the sun. We all have these things in us, if we would only free ourselves from the chains WE have placed among us. Who cares what she think of you? Who cares what he doesn’t think of you? Those are their losses, their mistakes, and their ignorance. Your life is about YOU, about what you think, dream, love ,hate and so on. You need to be the captain of your ship. Stop living your life through the eyes others and start living it through your own eyes.

I know, believe me I know it is not easy. I know there are days when you will stumble an maybe even fall. However, it is okay to fall sometimes, because we learn as we pick ourselves up. It is okay to have bad day and want to cry forever. But it is what you do after those days and moments that are the changes we all need to make. The next day do you start fresh? Or do you wallow in the sadness. Do you pick yourself back up and dust off the darkness or do you stay within the shadows?

What will do you do next? That is the question we need to be asking ourselves and once we have an answer make sure it is the right/best one for you. When your looking for someone, something, someplace to believe in, please believe in yourself, your dreams, and most of all that your journey is yours to control and that you can go as far as you let yourself go. You have to believe in yourself, stay true to yourself, love yourself, and most of all respect yourself.

Life is not easy, it is not meant to be easy, but that doesn’t mean the journey cannot be wonderful. Extend yourself past your fears and you truly will feel so much more liberated in the end. I know taking that first step can be challenging and that your stomach wil lbe in knots. But if you never take the first step how will you get up the stairs, how will you open that door to the future, or find your way out of that inner torment?

Walk through your fear and push past the doubt to the serenity that God will give you. Stop caring about why those people don’t talk to you or whatever the situation is. Just do your own thing and those that recognize you are better for your than those who bring you down. If you keep wondering what they are thinking about you, then you will lose yourself in that chaos and  be left with nothing but regrets to keep you warm at night.

I am also struggling with that inner fear and those doubts that bring self-confidence to a standstill but I am fighting everyday for it to get better. I am trying to love myself and I am trying to stay strong and go after my dreams. It is not easy, but once this storms passes I feel like I will be restored again.

Hopefully so will you too. You just have to make the decision and follow through in what you decide to believe in, which I hope is yourself. Take control, and leave the rest to God and fate. Don’t get it the potholes of life, rather dig yourself out, get in the driver’s seat and keep driving towards that beautiful destination. Remember to surround yourself with people he will inspire, encourage, and support you along the way. Let go of those that keep holding you back, and stop holding yourself back. Fly high and soar through the clouds towards that endless serenity.

Be blessed!!

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~ by tsunamiblues on February 8, 2008.

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