Daily Dose: Ramblings of the mind…

I have been studying all day for my finals, but wanted to get some stuff off of my chest. I really hank God for giving humans the ability to write, it is a pleasure to be able to put the chaos inside my head into the clarity of the written word. Tonight, I have been thinking of what friendship is all about, and what I am missing when it comes to that.

I miss the days of sleepovers, phone calls, late night movies, and just being together and having fun. I feel like a lot of my relationships with people are not really friendships, because in my mind that is not what friendship is supposed to be. When I think of friendship I think of people who look out for each other, give each other advice, laugh together, cry together, have fun together, and most of all spend time together. I barely hang out with anyone, and it makes me feel lonely. I spend more time with people I have to do projects with than my so-called friends. I only see people in class, but that really is not what friendship is supposed to be about. It is not like I want a lot of friends, but just a tight nit group of people who really know me, and who I really know. At one point I thought I had that, but it seems like I was mistaken. Friends seem to come and go and only a few stay to touch our lives. I just feel like I am drifting in this world all alone and don’t really have anyone but my family.

I know we are all busy, but it just feels sad to go everyday just going to class, work, and meetings and not doing anything fun like having lunch with people. I feel envious of people who have a group where they go out to dinner together, cook together, study together, and just hang out. I miss hanging out, and just taking a break from the stress of life and having conversations about our dreams, goals, men, and so on. One of my really good friends, is leaving next semester and being selfish I don’t want her to go. I keep thinking what am I going to do without her, I will be all alone. I know that is me being selfish, so I am trying to see it as an opportunity for me to grow and meet more people, and find out more about what makes me happy and how I can be happy even by myself. I just kind of feel neglected in that area, like people take my feelings and friendship for granted. I mean I know  we are all busy, but wouldn’t it be nice to have lunch once a week with the gang. Or have movie nights, or just fun things like that. I don’t want these stupid superficial friendships where you cannot be yourself.

I want to be able to laugh, cry, and smile honestly with m friends, it seems like college is becoming a sad place to be. I just feel like I am in my own little world of solitude and no one wants to come in, and maybe I am scared to go out. I feel alone, lonely, and I just want at least one real friend to be by my side. Of course, I want to be a real friend to them as well. Friendship is a two-way street, but I think you should always give more than you take. I don’t even know why I am feeling so down about this of all days.

I have to major finals tomorrow, and I am very worried about doing well on them. I am going to stay up all night studying, and just crash after it is all done. I need a hug and a shoulder to lean on. However, it seems all I am left with is my own…*sighs*…why am I such a weirdo?

~ by tsunamiblues on December 6, 2007.

One Response to “Daily Dose: Ramblings of the mind…”

  1. Yeah, I also miss those days. Reading your blog reminds me of some of my
    old friends. Friends are really wonderful blessing from God because without
    them our world would be so dull. It’s really different when you are already working you would miss the old times when you have all the time to hang out with your friends and have deep conversation. The time when both of you would share your dreams and ambitions and the guy that you want
    to marry someday. I mean those were the precious times that I would remember spending with my friend and I’m so grateful that I have those
    moments stored in my memory.

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