Look into my heart

…and hear my thoughts.

I love having a blog, because I can write out my thoughts and have them for myself and for other people to see. Most likely I don’t know who reads this, which allows me to be honest with myself and with my readers. It gives me an outlet from my mind, a lace to rest my thoughts, and to have them heard. Lie know…

This is one of those moments when I need to write, so that my mind can be somewhat clear. I’m writing as usual  for myself which is the way it should be, but I’m glad if someone else can get something from this.

I’m in my room, listening to music, and thinking about my life. What does my existence mean, and what is my purpose? What does the present hold for me? What does the future have in store for me? Will I make something of myself and y life? Will I find a fulfilling love? Will inner peace be mine? Am I heading towards the right direction? Am I traveling the right road? Will my life be important? Do I have an inevitable destiny or fate? Will I make my dreams a reality? Will my wishes be granted? Will I be the me, that I want to be? What is my reason for being, living, and moving forward?

We ask ourselves these questions, questions without immediate answers, of answers do exist, they only come about when we go through experiences that lead us to them. Yet, we still ask the questions, and it can be really frustrating, not knowing. There is so much that I don’t know about myself, about the world, about life and living. I keep trying to remind myself ,that one lifetime is not enough time to know everything, do everything, be everything. Life can seem really long and it can seem really short, but is it really necessary to measure it in time, I think that life means more when you measure it by moments in our lives. What kind of moments have you had, and what moments do you want?

Moments create memories, and memories are the photographs of the heart that remind us of many things. Times that we smiled, laughed, cried, were happy, sad, mad, angry, scared. Times when we gave love, made love, found love, took love, and so on. I keep thinking to myself what moments will define my life, give meaning to my existence, make my heart tremble, and my eyes sting with tears of sadness or happiness? What will give me meaning, for I feel as if  am limited in that as of now.

Sometimes I feel s if I live more in the future than the present. All that I do is for my future, all that I am is moving towards the future. In the present, I am not where I want to be, so I use the future to be my guide post, to give me hope, and to keep me moving in th direction of my dreams and my goals.

Whatever I do, I want to do it well, wherever I go I want to use my time wisely. I want to feel alive, and to feel like I matter, who I am matters, what I do matters, and my presence matters. Sometimes I feel like a zombie, just going through the motions. I think we all have those moments where we feel like blah, we are but we aren’t. I don’t know if that makes sense, but what I mean is that sometimes I think we have to feel this way, no one can always be going, sometimes we have to stop and take a breath.

Sometimes we stop for too long or not enough, and we get stuck or out of place. I’m not sure where it is I stand. I’m not sure of a lot of things, and that scares me. I’m not sure of who I am, I’m nor sure of why I am here, I’m not sure really of anything except that I want to live, I want to dream , I want to love. I want to live, and to live with grace and meaning.

~ by tsunamiblues on May 22, 2007.

2 Responses to “Look into my heart”

  1. Another powerful entry…. I’ve been going through some rough times, it is nice to read some posts of someone that goes through the same kinda thought processes I do.

    Keep up the good work :)

  2. Makes me feel less alone, knowing that others out there feel the same way.

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