Friday Night Monologue…

It’s a Friday night and I am watching the movie The Holiday with Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, and Jack Black and I have to say that every person should watch this movie whether you’re a guy or a girl it is really a beautiful movie about falling in love, finding new love, and realizing the complications of being in and out of love. If you liked Love Actually you will love this movie. It truly is a beautifully and intelligently done portrayal and the music is excellent and in all honesty I was just really touched by all the characters and I kept on thinking why is it that there are so many people in this world who want to be loved and want to love someone but they either end up alone or fall in love with someone who treats them like crap.

 

If you watch this movie I will have to say that I want a Miles, played by Jack Black. If you watch it you’ll see why; he’s quirky, funny, kind, sweet, and all in all a nice guy. I want a guy that I can have a real and meaningful conversation with. A guy that isn’t afraid to be a kid once in awhile. I want a guy who can see me at my worst and still want me. A guy who treats me better than the way I want and should be treated. I want a guy who actually listens and cares about what I say and feel. I want a guy who is genuine, honest, and faithful. I want a guy who makes me smile more than he makes me cry. I want a guy who sees me. Who really, really really, really sees who I am, a girl who is so much more than what people see. I’m a girl who wants to be loved as much as the next person, and who wants just one person who can truly love her, every single flawed part of her. I keep thinking that I have great friends and a wonderful family but selfishly that just isn’t enough for me. God made us to have more than just our friends and family.

 

I just keep thinking that I’m only 19 years old and have so much to do and see, but you know what I don’t want to do and see all these things alone. I keep thinking how many more days, months, years am I going to spend alone like this. How many more times am I going to think about someone that I don’t even know exist? How much longer is my hand going to lack another’s? How many Friday nights is it going to be just me, myself, and I? How many more times am I going to write about this? How many more times am I going to be sad or cry over this? How many more times am I going to ask myself how many more times? All I want, all I have wanted is to be wanted and needed by someone. All I’ve wanted is for someone to want to want and need me. All I’ve wanted is for someone to want to be the one for me. I’m sure there are a lot of people who can relate to this and I have nothing that will make you feel better. This kind of misery is something we all have to go through, and I’m in the same boat that you are.

 

There is this one part where Iris played by Kate Winslet says to Miles “You really are an incredibly decent man” and Miles says “I know it’s always been my problem.” I just was like wow, how many guys out there feel this way? Why do girls go for the guys they shouldn’t and leave the guys they should be? Why is it that both sexes are ridiculously foolish when it comes to love? I think as we get older we realize that that bad boy who broke are hearts was a mistake but the bigger mistake was hurting the one who wanted to love us. We all hurt each other so much, sometime intentionally and sometimes not but we all do it, and I find it unbearably sad.

 

Another thing is you know how we all tell each other “I love you” and some people get mad that we say it so easily. But I was thinking that even though we all say that when we probably should say something else it isn’t that bad. Because when you truly, honestly, and deeply love someone you say “I’m in love with you.” I haven’t heard those words yet nor have I said them to someone, but someday I want to say them and someday I want to hear them. I want not to love someone but to be in love with someone and I want them to be in love with me. Sometimes I wonder why is it we all want to be in love and to be loved, and I think it makes us feel human. What emotion is more human than love? Love is the greatest healer and the most painful weapon. I keep thinking I’ll never meet someone I could be in love with because I just feel as if someone like that doesn’t exist. At least in this world and this time, I hope though and keep having faith that somewhere there is a guy who gets me. A guy who gets that the little things irk me more than the big things. A guy who gets the fact that I keep more hidden that I let out. That somewhere there is a guy who realizes that I am one of the biggest babies in the universe. Someone who can honestly say he knows who I was, is, and will be. I want someone who doesn’t need me to spell out everything for him to understand me. I want someone that I can build a life with and share all the good and bad things that come with living. I want a guy who is not Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Always and Forever.

 

I ask myself if I am living in a fairytale, but I don’t think that my dreams are that far fetched. If you think they are, well why should dreams or love be limited? I’m not even sure what my point is but thanks for reading this excerpt from my thoughts. I hope that someday I’ll meet someone who makes me feel whole, and I wish the same to all of you. Because everyone should have someone who loves them for whom there are, were, and will be, and someone who will stand next to them when the whole world turns away!!!

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~ by tsunamiblues on April 27, 2007.

4 Responses to “Friday Night Monologue…”

  1. Look Woman, a good looking guy knows that there’s a very good chance that he can get someone else if he really wants to….which may motivate him to remain uncommitted. Whereas plain looking guys know they’re better off hanging on to what they have. So unless you’re prepared to stick with a plain looking guy, cut the sob story about wanting someone who will cater to your emotional needs. Besides, you’re only 19 and you’re talking like you’re 40. If you’re going to crib about such frivolous matters, you shouldn’t adopt a name like ‘tsunamiblues’. That’s an insult to people who lost so much in the tsunami.

    p.s.
    Yeah, my post might seem totally negative but I have a younger sister who is as old as you were when you wrote this, so I’m telling you what I would tell her. It might seem rude and insensitive, but what can I say? I’m a guy! My point being that you should try to do something useful with your life right now and worry about finding ‘love’ later on. Chances are you won’t find somebody you can connect with at such a young age, because both of you don’t have enough life experience on which to draw from and empathize with one another when things get tough. Regards.

  2. I chose the name tsunamiblues because I have always liked how tsunami sounds, not in the real-world context, but just the way it flows off your tongue, blues, because I like the color blue. So it really isn’t an insult to those who lost so much in the tsunami’s.

    I don’t really think these are “frivolous” matters but we are all entitled to our own opinions, which is why I did not delete your comment.:)

  3. Hi, I just read your Friday Night Monologue, and I have to say that it is probably the most honest and sincere thing that I have ever read. I have read it 3 times, and each time I cry. Happy tears. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about(and tried to write about but I’m not a very good writer) if I’ll ever find someone. I don’t really talk to my friends about this sort of thing, not because I don’t want to, but because I just can’t. They all have really dramatic love lives and I’m the only one who has never had a boyfriend, and I don’t feel like being a bother to them with all of my thoughts. Sorry for rambling, but I just wanted to say that your monologue is beautiful, and it is nice to know that someone has the same thoughts and feelings that I do.So, thank you for helping me to realize that I’m not alone.

  4. Jamie, thank you and I am glad you feel less alone because you are soooooo far from being the only one who feels that love seems out of reach. I haven’t read this entry in a while and looking now at 21 what I wrote at 19 it still feels the same.

    I haven’t found love yet, but I know he is out there and I learn each day what it means to love someone and to be loved with each experience I go through.

    Don’t ever give up on love! It is real and one day you will wake up next to it.

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