Guys: 5 Signs that you need to move on

So what do you guys have to say about the following…

1. You tell everyone you guys are on a “break”
We have seen this before on many occasions. His that one guy with a fake jolly look on his face and if you mention his ex-girlfriend or even something remotely off topic, and he will burst with enthusiasm about how they are just on a break attempting to find new opportunities even though he is helplessly sucked into the evil psycho beast’s belly. I mean cute angel’s tumsy wumsy. Then of course he will get into details of how everything is working out great and that he is already moving on, even though there are no girls are interested in him. His ex-girlfriend on the other hand, runs around getting some hot pieces of meat (like me). And let us not forget he has that nervous laugh that when he laughs, it starts to die down and it looks almost as if his going to cry at the end of it. Sort of like Britney Spears after rehab.

2. You leave her voicemails everyday.
It’s pathetically…well pathetic.. but oh so true

“Hey this is Carol, and I can’t pick up the phone right now *giggle* stop touching me there Brian hehehehe.. anyways please leave a message…oh and if your “you know who” please stop bothering me”

“Hey its me again.. yea.. I don’t know…. I was bored and had nothing to do..its not like I want to talk to you…I do I mean..but yea.. your phone was off…ha.. as usual.. um.. you don’t have to return this message..if you want to..that’s perfectly fine. but that would be the unrude cool thing to do.. yea..but you don’t have to.. um.. ok.. talk to you later? I mean..if you want to..”

One hour later

“hey..oh..your phone is still off.. ahah just ..um checking? You should keep it on in case of emergencies I don’t know.. ok.. bye”

Three hours later

“oh crap like 4 min ago I called your number by accident..so yea this is a message just telling you..it was an accident..yea… um ok bye”

And so on.. we all know how this is going to end..don’t we?

3. You talk crap about her…..but deep inside.. your obsessed with her
It’s the typical illusion that boys create to try to fool themselves they are stronger than they appear. Newsflash homeboy. Boys physically strong, but we are emotionally impaired. Anyways.. one way we create an illusion is that we talk crap about the girl that dumped us. Why do we do it knowing perfectly well its pathetic and demeaning to the girl? Because it makes us feel stronger knowing that we are verbally putting down the person we like behind their backs. Give us a break.. we need strength at times like this.

Guy: (to his friends) Look there she goes.. did you know shes been on that Jenny Atkin’s diet? HA doesn’t seem like its working..
*giggles* with all his friends in a circle.

Ex-girlfriend walks by without even so much as looking over at them.

Guy: (with a look of disappointment) HEY FATTY! YEA YOU! LOSE SOME WEIGHT! AHAHAHAHAH
Ex-girlfriend: (shakes her head and rolls her eyes as she walks away) Wow…what an immature dumbass.
Guy: (stands in front of his friends with a look of achievement) Yea.i know..i’m pretty badass
Friends: dude.. you just like..totally pwned her..ahaha she looked like she was going to cry..
Guy: WHAT?!!? Really?!? (runs over to her.. gets ignored..walks back) You guys are idiots. I just went there…um to see if she was crying. So i can make fun of her more..yea….

4. You still celebrate your anniversary….by yourself.
Hey (add your nickname for your ex.. mine is turtle cakes), you look lovely tonight. And with a night as lovely as this..well.. how do you like the food? Good..well ha I try my best baby for you.. the doll with a picture of her face slumps to the side a little. OH! Are you ok? Almost had a nasty fall there.. I got you…

Later in the night.

Hey.. the Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one. You walk over slowly… dreamily…eyes closed.. BOOM!
“ROFL ROFL WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!” screams your sister
“WTF GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID IDIOT I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN”
“AHAHAHAHAHAAH YOU OBSESSED STALKER FREAK GET A LIFE” (runs out of the room)

You sit there..red in the face, and you didn’t even get your kiss.. and the fact that you are utterly pathetic and stupid does not even cross your mind. Just that one kiss.. you missed….the moment comes again as you use the light dimmer to make the room pretty dark. The candles are relit and you approach her..i mean it again.
Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams. Your heart beats faster..yes yes..old memories are alive again.. and your lips meet.. only to be met by a flash from your window..You run over to the window..and you see 3 kids running away…with a camera..
good game? Most definitely.

5. You tell yourself the guy she is seeing is just a really really close friend.
You see them hugging.. that’s ok friends do that. You see them holding hands. That’s ok, close friends do that. You see them flirting throughout the day. That’s ok, really close friends do that. Everything is just great and A O K. You guys are on a break and of course she can see new guys. But good thing shes only friends with that guy,, because that guy just so happens to be your best friend. One day, after school, your walking home and you see them KISSING! Oh wait its ok, she’s only sucking on his neck. If it was his lips, it would be a totally different story. She leaves him a hickey, and you laugh nervously saying, yea if I had a close friend that was a girl, I would do that too so no worries. Your eye starts to twitch as she starts “sucking” his ears, and then his cheeks, now his nose…… You run to the bathroom.

Credit@mistahbang at Soompi

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~ by tsunamiblues on March 31, 2007.

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