Dear God: Heal me from the inside out…
Heavenly father please aid me Lord because I am fighting a losing battle inside of myself. My mind is unraveling and I am at the breaking point. I feel like I am dying from the inside out, my heart hurts, my chest aches, my head is in chaos, my body feels like it is going to stop any moment.
I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to feel weary, and I don’t want to feel this kind of emptiness. You said all those who are weary should come to you. Lord, I am weary, I am weary, I am so weary Lord. I am coming before you Lord and kneeling at your feet, I come before you Lord with my existence bared for you to see.
I come to you with the scars of my physical body and of my soul. I come to you with my fears, failures, sadness, sorrow, pain, anxiety, and my broken self. I come to you Lord will all that is within me. O come to you Lord because these tears won’t stop. This agony is beyond unbearable Lord.
I am standing at the edge of reason, unable to keep myself from falling off and sinking deeper into the abyss. Lord, I don’t want to fall, I don’t want to sink deeper into that darkness. I want Lord to feel and see the light. I want to feel the warmth of your love and mercy upon my soul. I want to feel life a human being and not an empty shell.
I want to stop feeling like my existence in an option. I want to feel like I belong in this world. I want to feel like I have a place that belongs to me. I want to stop feeling like the world in crumbling around me and that I am going to shatter any moment. Lord, I want to stop feeling like my heart will stop beating any moment. I want to stop being in so much pain. Lord, I am hurting so much. I am hurting so unbearably much, so much Lord that I just want it to stop. I am in so much pain and I cannot begin to describe how painful it is Lord. I feel like every step I take, every day I get up, takes all of my energy. All of my strength to keep going. Sometimes Lord, I just don’t want to get up, I just want to lie in bed, close my eyes and let everything fade away as I fall asleep.
I am at my breaking point Lord. I am trying, but I just don’t feel better inside. I am aching desperately for you Lord. Please, please help me Lord! Please, help me to clear my mind of these thoughts. Please help me to feel alive again. Let that energy run through my body, my mind, my soul and let me feel like a human being again.
Lord, the days of happiness seem to have disappeared and everyday I only feel glimpses of happiness before the sorrow takes over. I want to stop feeling chained to this life, to this body, to this existence. I want to feel liberated, soar free, and unbound to this emptiness. Lord, I want to feel, I want to breathe the air in and feel alive. I feel like a zombie Lord, awake but not really knowing anything.
Lord, I want to stress less, think less, criticize less, I just want to find my happiness. I don’t want to fret over the little things, and weep over things that don’t even matter. I want to smile, and feel happiness. I want to laugh with all of my heart. Lord, I don’t want to keep waking up everyday feeling like here we go again, another day to struggle through.
I don’t want to keep struggling to make it through each day. I don’t want to keep standing at the edge unable to keep myself from falling. Lord, I want to leave the weariness, sadness, and pain behind, and find a better life. Lord, I am only twenty years old. I have so much life to live, so many dreams to run after. Lord, I have a life to live, but I feel like living evades me. I am just going through the motions, and unable to feel anything remotely humanlike.
Please, Lord, please don’t leave me to handle this alone. I cannot handle this alone. I will end up doing something horrible to myself if I have to keep trying to make it through all of this pain by myself. All of this sadness Lord is killing me, it is killing me from the inside out. Getting up everyday is a struggle for me Lord. I am so close to giving up, I don’t want to give up, But, I just don’t know how to get through this alone.
I am always alone Lord and I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to feel this loneliness anymore. I want to be able to lean on someone. I want to be able to cry with someone. I want to be able to share my pain with someone. I want someone to see that I am struggling and that everything isn’t okay.
Lord, please acknowledge me. I am desperate for your guidance. I am desperate to be at your side and feel your warmth. Lord, please heal me from the inside out. Please heal this body of mine. Let me find the answer to healing myself. Let me, see how to live again to be feel again, to be human again. Lord, everything is not okay with me. Let someone see that there is more to me than meets the eye.
Everyday, I get closer to falling over the edge into that dark abyss. Lord, give me a hand to help me up, Give me a friend to trust this vulnerability with. Lord, give me something to believe in. I want you Lord, I am seeking you, I am asking for your mercy upon my life. Watch over me and be my guardian angel. Be my healer, my shield, my warmth, my blessing, my father, my friend, my confidante, my strength, my wisdom, my shoulder, my everything.
Lord you said ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the doors will be opened to you. I am asking for you to come into my life with a force, a presence, a sign. Lord, I know you have done so much for me, you have given me hope Lord that life has a greater promise than what I see right now. But, now I need you even more, I need you to be a shield unto me Lord. Be my shield against this sorrow, sadness, pain. Lord be my strength as I am weak. I am so weak Lord. In mind, in body, in spirit, in heart, in soul I am so weak Lord. Everyday, I grow weaker and soon I feel like I won’t even be able to get up. I need you Lord, and I am asking with my soul laid bare, my heart for you to see, on my knees for you to heal me. Help me to heal myself Lord. Be my doctor, be my healer, be my medicine. Come into my body and touch every inch and corner of me with your warmth and heal me physically, mentally, emotionally, and everything in between.
Lord, I am seeking you with all that is within me. I know that I am selfish, but Lord I do not know how to do this alone. I do not have the strength or the wisdom to heal myself. Lord, I am seeking you to be a mediator and a guide unto me. Bring people into my life that will help me get through these trying times. Bring people into my life that will see that I need their help. I need their strength and I need their love. Lord, give me people that can see my vulnerability and acknowledge that I need help, I am only one person Lord, and I cannot do this on my own. Lord, help me to seek that help, to find those that will look beyond my surface and give me room to breathe. Room to existb as a human being with all my imperfections and faults.
Lord I am desperately seeking an end to my emptiness. Lord take away the darkness, the black hole inside of me, let it close and let me find freedom to soar high and free. Lord I am seeking this with everything that is within me, please help me find the answers to making me better, stronger, and human. I do not want to be an empty shell anymore. I don’t want to be blank anymore. Lord, I want to be whole, I want to be alive, and I want to live a good life.
Lord show me the doors to knock on, and let them be open to me. Lord let the doors lead me to places that will give me answers, hope, and the belief that it will get better. I;m so scared to knock on those doors Lord, but give me the courage to seek and find those answers. Lord, help me to let go of my fears so that I can find that meaning that peace inside of my soul.
Lord my tears are overflowing and I don’t know how to stop them from brimming over the edge. Lord, I have lost myself and I am seeking your help to find me, to become a better person. To come to terms with who I am and who I am not. To seek happiness and be content with my life in the present and future.
Lord, these words are not enough to describe to extent of my troubles, my agony, my emptiness. You see all of me Lord, you see everything and Lord please stand in the gap for me. Lord, please be my guardian and help me find the light in this darkness. Lord, I don’t know how much more I can take alone. I am tired Lord, I am so tired. My existence has become nothingness. Lord please take me in your arms and hold me. Lord, please give me your warmth and see me through to better days.
Lord, open my eyes to what I am missing, let me see the path I should walk on. Let me see the road I need to travel on. Let me see what it is I need to do. Let me be led by you Lord and give me a sign I can see, hear, know that will guide me. Lord, I need you to hold me in your arms and be my comfort. There is no one to hold me in my sadness, to acknowledge me. I have realized that the closeness I seek with people is the closeness I need with you.
I am alone in this world Lord, with what I am going through. Only you know, because your the only one I can share this with. I don’t want to burden the people I love with this. I do not have someone I trust to see what I am facing. Lord, help me because without you I do not know how much longer I can hold out from giving up. I am weak Lord, and I am tired, my thoughts are chaos, My mind won’t stop and I cannot take it, I cannot take it Lord. Please, be my shield, my strength, my gaurdian, my medicine.
See me Lord, see my desperation, see my agony and help me Lord. You are the only one that can help me Lord, for I cannot even help myself. There is so much inside of me Lord, so much pain that it feels like a weight upon me. My body is not strong enough to carry it Lord. I am fading away Lord, Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please Lord save me. My tears are falling and I have no one to catch them. Lord please help me, heal me, love me.
I cannot keep going through each day pretending everything is wonderful, when inside I am crumbling and breaking.
~ by tsunamiblues on March 13, 2008.
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