Searching…

I’ve always been a night person. There is something soothing about the stillness of the night time. When everyone around you is dreaming of something while you stay awake contemplating your life and future. It’s always been a peaceful time for me, when everyone else in my house is sleeping and I am awake listening to music, writing, thinking, night dreaming, and just existing in my solitude. No one would believe me that I tend to be a loner. I am fine going out alone, going to the movies alone, shopping alone, eating alone. At least for the most part, until loneliness begins to gnaw at my soul and shake my confidence.

Weakness…

I just finished watching 500 Days of Summer, and I absolutely loved it. There is something about indie flicks that other movie sometimes miss out on; there relate applies to us on an emotional level. Most of the time we go to the movies to escape from our own lives and succumb to 2 hours of someone else story and drama(s). But movies like 500 Days of Summer remind us of things we go through in our lives, and how we either overcome them or fall because of them. Everything in life is really about the choices we make, and the ones we choose not to pursue. The people we choose to let in, and the ones we close the door on. The jobs we take, and the ones we let go of. The lovers we adore and the ones we hurt or get hurt by. Life is a complicated, messy, excruciating, unpredictable, instantaneous….entity we will never truly understand We live and then we die. We are born and then we are dead. It’s what we do between those to inescapable truths that makes all the difference.

The Road Less Traveled…

What if there’s something bigger for me out there
Than the comfort of a life on this middle ground
I’ve played it safe but now I can’t help but wonder
If maybe I’ve been missing out

‘Cause I look around and see a sea of people
Everybody’s moving in the same direction
And I think it’s time for me to break away, break away

Chorus

I want to finally take the road less traveled
I want to run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I’m living
And call it uncommon

What if the right thing was harder than the wrong thing
But I did it anyway
Standing strong even when no one else was watching
What if I really lived that way

Every heart has its defining moment
This is mine and I’m not gonna miss it

I want to finally take the road less traveled
I want to run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I’m living
And call it uncommon

I don’t care if it makes me look different
I’m never letting go of my conviction
Let the world see the life I’m living
And call it uncommon

I’m done with the easy way out
I’m done with the easy way out
Done with the easy way out
With the easy way out

What if I made it to the end of my days here
Only to find that my legacy was nowhere to be found
I don’t want to waste another second
Give me the strength to start right now
Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now

I take the road less traveled
I want to run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I’m living
And call it uncommon

I don’t care if it makes me look different
I’m never letting go of my conviction
Let the world see the life I’m living
And call it uncommon

Uncommon
Call it uncommon
I’m done with the easy way out

Close To Your Heart

Me (As I Am, Not As I Was)

I’ve always been a “moody” person. I’ve always been someone who feels more and sees more than everyone around me. I’ve always been sensitive. All of those things are a part of me. I haven’t been in the greatest of moods these past few days and today it really just got to me, how bored and miserable I am feeling. I feel like I am slipping under the water and I don’t have the strength to fight anymore. I just feel really tired and unsatisfied today.

Pieces

I feel like my life shattered into pieces when I got sick, and ever since I have been trying to find all the missing pieces so I can put myself back together. Some days are better than others, and some days are worse. The hardest thing is that I always feel empty inside. There is this feeling of being hollow on the inside, like I don’t really exist. Like I am not truly alive.

Connections

I think as we grow up and go our separate ways it harder to maintain friendships/relationships and it’s even harder to create new ones.

Late Bloomer

Today  I spent the day with one of my best friends and as always it feels good being around her. We three-wayed our other bestie and just talked about all kinds of things for over 2 hours, and that is what I love about my girls. We talk, share ,cry, and then talk some more. We can tell each other everything and anything without judgment or condemnation and that is what I love and cherish about having them in my life. I know that no matter where life takes us we will always have each other’s back and it feels good to have friends like them. Out of the three of us I have always been the late bloomer when it comes to all things involving relationships and I still am that person. Sometimes it makes me feel abnormal but at other times I am glad I am waiting till I meet someone worth my waiting.

Life’s Lullaby

Lately I have trouble sleeping because for some reason I have this fear of falling asleep. Afraid of the dreams I will have, just this weird feeling of fear. So I try to stay up until I am really tired hoping I will just drift off into sleep and not dream, or at least not remember them. I just want to sleep and wake up rested, something I haven’t felt in quite a few weeks. I lie in my bed thinking about so many things that my mind seems to be in overload.

Endless Possibilities…

Each affected by the choices we make. The future changes with each moment in the present and that is making me worried. The crystal clear future I had planned for myself seems to be fading into the murkiness of life. It’s absolutely terrifying and I am not sure what to do anymore. My little brother said if I think about it too much (what I should do with my life) then I will never do nothing. There is truth to that, but if I don’t think hard and long about it I could end up doing something I hate for the rest of my life. It is the uncertainty that is really getting to me. Like I am being pulled in two directions.