Connections

I think as we grow up and go our separate ways it harder to maintain friendships/relationships and it’s even harder to create new ones.

Late Bloomer

Today  I spent the day with one of my best friends and as always it feels good being around her. We three-wayed our other bestie and just talked about all kinds of things for over 2 hours, and that is what I love about my girls. We talk, share ,cry, and then talk some more. We can tell each other everything and anything without judgment or condemnation and that is what I love and cherish about having them in my life. I know that no matter where life takes us we will always have each other’s back and it feels good to have friends like them. Out of the three of us I have always been the late bloomer when it comes to all things involving relationships and I still am that person. Sometimes it makes me feel abnormal but at other times I am glad I am waiting till I meet someone worth my waiting.

Life’s Lullaby

Lately I have trouble sleeping because for some reason I have this fear of falling asleep. Afraid of the dreams I will have, just this weird feeling of fear. So I try to stay up until I am really tired hoping I will just drift off into sleep and not dream, or at least not remember them. I just want to sleep and wake up rested, something I haven’t felt in quite a few weeks. I lie in my bed thinking about so many things that my mind seems to be in overload.

Endless Possibilities…

Each affected by the choices we make. The future changes with each moment in the present and that is making me worried. The crystal clear future I had planned for myself seems to be fading into the murkiness of life. It’s absolutely terrifying and I am not sure what to do anymore. My little brother said if I think about it too much (what I should do with my life) then I will never do nothing. There is truth to that, but if I don’t think hard and long about it I could end up doing something I hate for the rest of my life. It is the uncertainty that is really getting to me. Like I am being pulled in two directions.

Check It Out’s…

Blog Question Time!!!

Bonus’ after the jump:)

Falling From The Clouds…

So I am sitting here listening to City and Colour’s “Against the Grain” and thinking how much the lyrics resonate with me.

You need not to climb mountaintops,
You need not to cross the sea,
You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark,
And when the wind does blow against the grain,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

When all your friends have come and gone,
And the sun no longer shines,
And the happiness for which you long is washed away like an ocean’s tide,
When all the hard times outweigh the good,
And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

If you feel you’ve paid the price,
And your wounds should cease to heal
And everything you love in life spins like a winding wheel.
If you should wake to find you’re abandoned,
And the road you’ve traveled leads to a dead-end
When death creeps in to play it’s part,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart

I’ve been having a hard time these past few weeks where I am realizing a lot of things about my life and it feels like it is all just sinking into me at once. It is pretty overwhelming for me, hence the number of blog entries and the (more than usual) depressing tone they’ve taken. So as I am listening to the lyrics I keep on thinking about growing up. How each moment/experience we have either strengthens or breaks us down. Sometimes we (I) get so caught up in those moments that we fail to realize it is but a moment and it too shall pass.

Wounded

Lying here as my wounds bleed out

I look back on my life and wonder

Where did it all go wrong?

Ode To the Nice Girls and Guys

If you haven’t read this before, take the time to…

Musical Inspiration…

Anyone who reads my blog knows my utter love for music. I think music can change this world. The power of the lyrics can spread across this world and unite us all. It’s songs like this one that give me hope and inspiration. What song(s) inspire you?

Midnight Solitude

There is something wonderful about being awake and alive at this time. A moment of beginnings and endings, of the old and the new. I’m sitting her listening to Stray’s Don’t Sleep’s “For Blue Skies” wondering why sleep fails me these days. Why am I sitting with tears dripping from my eyes feeling so exhausted and sad. Feeling like all my energy is zapped from my soul and my reserves are gone. I don’t want to feel like this, this angst and miserable feeling of confusion, loneliness, and most of all being lost. I don’t want to be lost anymore. I want to feel alive. I want to feel happy and find meaning in my life.